According to independent sources, Thanksgiving has officially been postponed one day due to traffic on local roads and highways. It was determined that the vast majority of all persons traveling in Southern California were unable to get to their intended destinations due to violently dull gridlock.
Motorists, stranded on the 5, 405, 210, 605, 22, 91, 710, 73, 55, 57, 76, 78 and 15 freeways were all in agreement that something had to be done.
"This sucks man," one motorist was heard to utter. "I'm cooking my turkey right here," another blurted out as he began spraying lighter fluid over coals in the HOV lane.
Known as "The Land of the Automobile," Southern California has began to feel the bite of poor planning, lack of vision and mind-numbing lethargy, and now Thanksgiving has paid the price.
Stay tuned for further updates.
22 November, 2006
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