10 April, 2009

36.5 Pounds of Pure Dynamite

"Uncle Dan, what are you doing?"

"Looking at websites."


"So I can figure out how I can change mine."

"Uncle Dan, when you come to my house I'm going to give you all my money."

"Good, you should." "Uncle Dan needs every penny you have."

"Now, get over here and pull my finger."

Super Dynamite is making an appearance here in OC, and the house is alive with his stuff. Today I had a major battle with action figures and I taught him how Superman can throw a wicked right cross, upper cut combo that will put the joker on his butt every time.

I'm amazed at the energy required for kids. As you know I photograph kids all the time, but I tell ya, it's nothing like living with one of these miniature humans.

He is barking like a dog right now. "Calm down, calm down." More barking.

A little crying now.

Okay, he does have a super cool blue jumpsuit on.

More barking.

I'm about to pass out and he is just getting cranked up. More barking.

I'm sitting in the dark, alone, waiting for more barking.

This morning I woke up to his squeaky voice. Then suddenly he was sitting on me, showing me his turtle backpack, which I informed him would be a great way to smuggle something across international borders. Well he's small and nobody would suspect him.

Just doing my uncle duties of looking out for him, job security if you will. "Transportation" covers many things.

He is a nice little guy. He really is. He is so fragile, which is so interesting. And he's honest.

I took him to my tiny garden today and showed him where his beloved peas come from. He was a little uncertain at first, then he was like a locust consuming everything he could get his tiny fingers on, fingers that are perfect size for pulling peas from the pod. I thought I was going to have to spray him with the hose to keep him away from the peas.

Looking at him reminds me of when I was that size. Life was uphill at that point, so new, and so wide open. I might start hanging out with him and his friends, like at Chucky Cheese. I'm only 40, so I think I can blend in. Shouldn't be too obvious.

"Yo, Dynamite, you potty trained yet?" "Ya, me too." "Wanna see if they have any milk in this joint?"

It could happen.


Mei-Chun said...

this is so sweet and very funny to read!

Anonymous said...

precious - I'm chuckling a bit at your discovery how much work/energy it is to be with a kid full-time. But you've also discovered the best thing about kids - you get to see the world again through their eyes - all innocent, honest and over the top. Have fun, Uncle Dan! Missy